They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
