I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
