I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
