Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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