Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
