Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
