cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
