I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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