I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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