I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
