didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
