last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
