she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
