If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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