can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Randomize
