im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
