Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
