The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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