Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
