Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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