I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
