I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
