My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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