i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
