Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
