Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
