Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
