Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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