OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
