saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
