I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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