Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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