I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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