Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
