this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you had me at cake vodka
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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