he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
