And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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