Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
