i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
