I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
