the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
