Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
