But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
