Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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