dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
