Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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