Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
