First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
