He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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