if only i could text you this smell
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
this just has baby written all over it
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
