I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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